GROWING THROUGH MISTREATMENT
I. INTRODUCTION
Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless
at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
A. A Vision for Fullness – Body, Soul, and Spirit. God will set apart a people fully for Himself and bring forth a people
in the fullness of the gifts, fruit, and wisdom of the Holy Spirit.
B. Most persons believe that the true measure of one’s passion or one’s entrance into fullness is either exuberance
in religious activity, freedom in our expression of worship, mental apprehension of biblical concepts, or one’s impact in
ministry. The most mature among us are viewed by measure of their anointing as they minister or by the largeness of
their influence in the various realms of life. Few consider the quality of one’s interior life as the measure of one’s passion
and one’s maturity in this life. Few consider that God truly looks upon the heart. Few stop to ask, “How tender is my
heart to God and how responsive is it to His name and ways?”
C. As believers we must cultivate a tender and responsive heart to God and be vigilant in the possession of our
souls. The Bible warns of a time coming when the love of many will grow cold and unbelievable pressure on the earth
will bring forth the greatest levels of suffering and mistreatment (Mt. 24:9-13; Mk. 13:12-13; Dan. 7:25, 12:1-2;
Rev. 13:5-8). We must prepare for this season and the smaller seasons of tribulation that precede it by casting off
every sin that ensnares us and by fixing our eyes on Jesus who for the joy set before Him endured the Cross. We
must embrace the virtue of meekness.
Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received
from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord
Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you
should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do
not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the
avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.
(1 Thess. 4:1-7)
You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers, relatives and friends; and they will put some of you to death.
17 And you will be hated by all for My name's sake. 18 But not a hair of your head shall be lost. 19 By your patience
possess your souls. (Lk. 21:16-19)
II. UNDERSTANDING THE ROLE OF MISTREATMENT IN THE LIFE OF THE BELIEVER
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4)
A. The Bible does not offer us an idealistic triumphalism. Rather, God invites us to walk as Jesus walked, to embrace
the journey of meekness and the pleasure of Christ being formed in the inward parts. This not only allows mistreatment
into our lives; it requires it. God is committed to conforming us to the image of His Son that Jesus might be the firstborn
among many brethren. The power of the resurrection life is given that we might endure suffering and trial in this age.
The good news is that the “sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be
revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18).
B. Mistreatment and opposition are both the context and fruit of a fallen world. Everyone suffers. Everyone is hurt,
betrayed, abused, taken advantage of, oppressed. Yet, suffering works only on behalf of the redeemed. When a
believer responds in meekness to mistreatment, it produces the fruit of wholeheartedness.
1. Saint Augustine states that the same miseries send some to heaven and others to hell. The test of suffering
separates the wheat from the chaff in the Church of God: those who in times of tribulation humble themselves to the
will of God are wheat for paradise; those who grow haughty and enraged, and so forsake God, are chaff for hell.
2. Saint Alphonsus Ligouri in The Practice of the Love of Jesus – “The condition of the saints on the earth is to
suffer as they love; the condition of the saints in heaven (in the next age) is to enjoy as they love” (p. 49).
C. We must part with the fantasy that I was the “one” wronged. Everyone is mistreated. Everyone right now is
either being mistreated or is about to be mistreated or is mistreating someone else. The hard part concerning
mistreatment is that we expect suffering from unbelievers outside the church. In regard to the church a lie moves
in and sets up a false expectation. It is this: as we mature we should suffer less mistreatment in the Church. We
expect it from unbelievers, so therefore we have grace to forgive unbelievers. Yet, when mistreatment occurs within
the community, we list our entitlements.
D. We have had only one entitlement from the very beginning: We offended and rebelled against our most kind and
gracious Maker. In fact, when given the opportunity, we killed the Lord of glory, the innocent One whom came from the
Father full of grace and truth, and are entitled to one thing: everlasting condemnation. Yet, “God, who is rich in mercy,
because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in
Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in
Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not
of works, lest anyone should boast” (Eph 2:4-9)” Peter asked Jesus concerning the issue of being wronged by your
brother.
Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven
times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (Matt. 18:21-22)
E. Why Mistreatment? It exposes the great enemy of our soul – pride manifesting in anger. The crucible of
mistreatment places pressures on the human heart that expose the fault lines of fear, anger, and pride underneath
the surface. Mistreatment and opposition touches places of pride otherwise unnoticed in our controlled environments.
This is why marriage can be, if cooperated with, a great sanctifier of the human heart. When I was single I could control
my environment in such a way as to keep my stuff undisturbed in hidden places. In marriage you can run but you
cannot hide. Opposition and mistreatment are part of the unspoken vows. “In sickness and in health, in opposition
and mistreatment til death do us part or til will kill each other.” I thought I was holy when single, but I found out quickly
there is a difference between being holy and being undisturbed.
• Richard Foster’s quote from his book, Prayer or Celebration of Discipline.
III. RESISTING ANGER AND EMBRACING MEEKNESS IN THE MIDST OF MISTREATMENT
A. Receive Mistreatment as an Opportunity for the Holy Spirit to Bring Forth a Greater Work of Sanctification. Redemptive
Suffering Counts! You see mistreatment is not only the test of meekness. The test contains within itself the avenues for
reform and transformation. The pressures expose and if responded to rightly can produce meekness in the heart.
Understanding how to grow in meekness in the midst of mistreatment produces the opportunity for dependence, faith,
and trust. If you knew the divine exchange rate and what awaits those who embrace meekness in the midst of trial in
the next age, you would not dare to waste a good opportunity to receive correction from the Lord’s hand or to throw
away the eternal currency of forgiving and doing good to those who have wronged you.
We usually respond to mistreatment on the basis of the percentage of truth. This person is 100% wrong, 40% right
and 60% wrong. So my response is in direct proportion to how much truth I assess the person was operating in when
he or she offended me. However, there is something better than being right in this life. It is being free! Story of
St. Francis and Joy.
B. Recognize and Resist our Resident Anger in the Heart and Face our Fallenness –Mistreatment is highly personal.
It is not that mistreatment is unfair in some general kind of way. It is that mistreatment happened to me. We have the
God given right not to be mistreated. How dare she do that to me! I cannot believe he actually said this to me. The
concern is not what made her do this or him say that. The concern is that they did and said it to me. I am the one
challenged. I am the one resisted. I am the one in which my inconsistencies and weaknesses were pointed out.
Who are they to give me instruction? What right do they have to analyze me and question me? We get angry
when someone messes with our stuff. Our Turf. Our Ideas. Our Reputations.
1. Thus, the defense mechanism of the fractured soul – anger – rushes to guard us from the realization that our
fallenness is true. We would rather be proud and angry, clinging to our deluded solidarity than to admit to our
inconsistent patterns, fractured pieces, and our humble need for grace to receive forgiveness and to forgive.
a. God recognizes this defense mechanism in Cain and leads him through a series of questions to help him find
his way out of shame, bitterness, envy, and self-hatred. God identifies anger as the defense mechanism of pride.
“Why are you angry?” Something new has entered the picture after the fall, correction. Anger as the defense
mechanism of pride works to keep us from having to face our fallenness and resists our need for correction. “Why
has your countenance fallen?” Self-pity rushes in to strengthen one’s justified anger and resentment. Beware of
the two-fold poison of the Serpent: anger and self-pity.
Gen 4:4-7 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the LORD respected Abel and his offering,
5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell. 6 So the LORD said
to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if
you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." NKJV
b. In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount He exposes the same seed of murder and anger which was in Cain the Judge is
in us. In fact it is the first set of sins in which Jesus addresses. Anger, as the defense mechanism of pride, is the escort
into the murderous heart.
Matt 5:21-22 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger
of the judgment.' 22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the
judgment. NKJV
Jesus states that even if you resist physical murder, yet your heart wishes you could do it and not get caught or you
just wish the person would go away, your heart has embraced a spirit of murder. The latter desire is the predominate
one in the Church – its not that you want to kill someone physically – you’d rather they’d just disappear and go away.
Beloved, it is the spirit of murder operating in you!
2. We also need to resist anger knowing that it is the doorway for demonic oppression. Three times the demonic
is mentioned with regard to anger. Anger is the first vice Jesus addresses in the Sermon on the Mount. It is a doorway
into other vices. Many persons have so acquiesced to anger that fortresses of darkness have been set up by the evil
one in their soul. Paul warned of this in Ephesians. Thus, we must recognize our anger, resist it, and repent of any
ungodly expression of it.
If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but
you should rule over it." (Gen. 4:7)
"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. (Eph. 4:26-27)
Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your
members? . . . Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. (James 4:1, 7)
For the Lord dwells in long-suffering, but the devil in anger. The two spirits, then, when dwelling in the same habitation, are
at discord with each other, and are troublesome to that man in whom they dwell. For if an exceedingly small piece of
wormwood be taken and put into a jar of honey, is not the honey entirely destroyed, and does not the exceedingly small
piece of wormwood entirely take away the sweetness of the honey, so that it no longer affords any gratification to its
owner, but has become bitter, and lost its use? But if the wormwood be not put into the honey, then the honey remains
sweet, and is of use to its owner. You see, then, that patience is sweeter than honey, and useful to God, and the Lord
dwells in it. But anger is bitter and useless. Now, if anger be mingled with patience, the patience is polluted, and its prayer
is not then useful to God.”
3. The Relationship Between Meekness and Anger
a. Meekness is the primary positive virtue of the kingdom and the one to be most sought out. Meekness is
associated with gentleness and humility and is the restraint of one’s power for a higher redemptive cause. This is not
to be confused with weakness or a laid back personality trait. Meekness is the cultivation of a spirit of Servanthood
even in the face of adversity and mistreatment, in which Jesus is the ultimate example.
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. (Mt. 5:5)
b. Anger is the first negative vice Jesus presents and is the great hindrance to meekness.
"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.'
22 But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And
whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger
of hell fire. (Mt. 5:21-22)
"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. (Eph. 4:26-27) . . .
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one
another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Eph. 4:31-32)
For the Lord dwells in long-suffering, but the devil in anger. The two spirits, then, when dwelling in the same habitation,
are at discord with each other, and are troublesome to that man in whom they dwell. For if an exceedingly small piece
of wormwood be taken and put into a jar of honey, is not the honey entirely destroyed, and does not the exceedingly
small piece of wormwood entirely take away the sweetness of the honey, so that it no longer affords any gratification
to its owner, but has become bitter, and lost its use? But if the wormwood be not put into the honey, then the honey
remains sweet, and is of use to its owner. You see, then, that patience is sweeter than honey, and useful to God, and
the Lord dwells in it. But anger is bitter and useless. Now, if anger be mingled with patience, the patience is polluted,
and its prayer is not then useful to God.”
4. The Bible clearly states that wrath and anger produce no righteous fruit.
James 1:19-20 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath
of man does not produce the righteousness of God. NKJV
Gal 5:19-24 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry,
sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders,
drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who
practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. NKJV
Proverbs 14:29 He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly. NKJV
Proverbs 19:19 a man of great wrath will suffer punishment; for if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. NKJV
Proverbs 29:8 Scoffers set a city aflame, But wise men turn away wrath. NKJV
5. Anger aimed outward is outbursts of rage and control. Anger aimed inward is depression and self-hatred.
We must face these areas of fallenness, repent of them as sin, and ask for the healing work of the Spirit to make
effective the cleansing and redeeming work of Calvary.
C. Embrace Humility
1. Understand the weakness of the human condition. It is amazing that anyone gets along with anyone for any
given period of time.
2. Understand your fallen state and propensity to get it wrong and allow yourself to receive forgiveness.
And when it happens that we commit some fault, we must also be gentle with ourselves. Getting angry at ourselves after doing
something wrong is not humility but a subtle form of pride, as if we were not the weak and wretched creatures that we are. . .
To be angry at ourselves after the commission of a fault is a greater fault that the one just committed, and it will lead
to many others. It will make us abandon our devotions, prayers, and Communion; or if we do them, it will be done poorly.
- - St Alphonsus Ligouri, The Practice of the Love of Jesus Christ.
3. Understand the fallen state of the one/ones opposing you and leave room for the forgiveness of God. Get on
their team. They are caught in the same predicament that you are. They will sin against someone and be sinned
against just like you. This leads us to enter into the greatest community building tools imaginable – longsuffering and
prayer.
4. Beware of being wise in your own opinion. The great enemy of humility is a profound insight into the situation.
Paul calls it a wise opinion.
"All this is to make it known the region of eternity that pride can degrade the highest angels into devils, and humility raise
fallen flesh and blood to the thrones of angels. Thus, this is the great end of God raising a new creation out of a fallen
kingdom of angels: for this end it stands in its state of war betwixt the fire and pride of fallen angels, and the humility of
the Lamb of God, that the last trumpet may sound the great truth through the depths of eternity, that evil can have no
beginning but from pride, and no end but from humility. The truth is this: Pride may die in you, or nothing of heaven can
live in you. Under the banner of the truth, give yourself up to the meek and humble spirit of the holy Jesus. Humility must
sow seed, or there can be no reaping in Heaven. Look not at pride only as an unbecoming temper, nor at humility only
as a decent virtue: for the one is death, and the other is life; the one is all hell, the other is all heaven.
So much as you have of pride within you, you have of the fallen angels alive in you; so much as you have of true humility,
so much you have of the Lamb of God within you. Could you see what every stirring of pride does to your soul, you
would beg of everything you meet to tear the viper from you, though with the loss of a hand or an eye. Could you see
what a sweet, divine, transforming power there is in humility, how it expels the poison of your nature, and makes room
for the Spirit of God to live in you, you would rather wish to be the footstool of all the world than want the smallest
degree of it." --Spirit of Prayer, Pt.II, p.73, Edition of Moreton, Canterbury, 1893.
D. Use the Pain to Escort You into Communion with God – Mistreatment causes our hearts to encounter God.
In the midst of trial none of our human props give us relief. Relief can only be found in the encountering God and
the finding of His grace.
For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 "Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth"; 23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return;
when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; (1 Peter 2:21-23)
1. We must recognize that the opinions and/or actions of others do not keep us from fulfilling God’s will in our lives.
We alone can disqualify ourselves from fulfilling God’s will in our lives. The defilement of someone else’s spirit does
not have to translate to defilement of our spirits. Mike’s counsel to me as a new pastor – Gen. 15:1.
2. We must also realize that the pain we feel in the midst of mistreatment is real and does not count us out. The
emotion is the fruit of love, especially when hurt by someone close to us. Our emotions do not count us out; our actions
in response to our emotions will either qualify or disqualify us.
3. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn
from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Mt. 11:28-29)
E. Grow in Love and Embrace Solitude – Mistreatment creates sensitivity in the heart of the one mistreated. You
tend to forget principles taught from the platform but lessons learned in pain are written on the heart in permanent ink.
You will find yourself more sensitive to others in the ways that you respond. Love will produce patience in your heart
towards the weaknesses of others.
3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance,
character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our
hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Rom. 5:3-5)
Whenever we enter into solitude, we witness to a love that transcends our interpersonal communications and proclaims
that we love each other because we have been loved first (1 John 4:19). Solitude keeps us in touch with the sustaining
love from which we draw strength. It sets us free from the compulsions of fear and anger and allows us to be in the midst
of an anxious and violent world as a sign of hope and a source of encouragement. . . . I am deeply convinced that
gentleness, tenderness, peacefulness, and the inner freedom to move closer to each other, or to withdraw from each
other, are nurtured in solitude. Without solitude we begin to cling to each other; we begin to worry about what we think
and feel about each other; we quickly become suspicious of each other or irritated with each other; and we begin, often
in unconscious ways, to scrutinize each other with a tiring hypersensitivity. Without solitude, shallow conflicts easily grow
deep and cause painful wounds.
Then talking things out becomes a burdensome obligation and daily life becomes so self-concious that long-term living
together is painful and almost impossible. . . With solitude, however, we learn to depend on God, who calls us together
in love, in whom we can rest, and through whom we can enjoy and trust each other even when our ability to express
ourselves is limited.
F. Endure Hardship – Let patience and time do their good work, becoming a saint that trusts in the kindness of God to
work all things together for good to them that love Him. (Rom. 8:28)
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. (James 1:2-4) . . . So
then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does
not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20)
G. Overcome Evil with Good and Leave Room for God’s Wrath
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,"
says the Lord. 20 Therefore "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you
will heap coals of fire on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:19-21)
H. Be Quick to Clear the Air with Others that May Have an Offense against You.
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come
and offer your gift. (Mt. 5:23-24)
IV. BECOMING A PEOPLE OF MEEKNESS AND GLORY
A. Meditate long and often upon the meekness of Christ and the reward system of the Father.
1. The most humbling thing one can do is to look upon how Jesus responded to suffering and mistreatment. His whole
life was ordered around the attribute of meekness. It was His greatest pursuit. From the moment He was born the Father
was contemplating His own humility in the person of His Son. Love would be openly displayed as Jesus went lower and
lower. Anyone who truly looks upon the man Christ Jesus and His meekness will be left staring at the great mystery.
How can One so strong be so tender as He stoops so low?
2. Looking upon Jesus meekness is the great sanctifier to areas of pride and anger in the human heart. It produces
holy tears of longing to be like Him that cleanse the soul from the trauma of violence and invites the grace of God unto
humility.
B. Practice the Freedom of Quick Repentance to Others.
C. Embrace the joy of forgiveness and give room for God’s wrath.
D. Practice covering the weaknesses and infirmities of others. Hope all things and believe all things. See people
in this light: How will they look ten years from now if they fully participated with the grace of God in every area of their life?
1. Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins. (Prov. 10:12)
2. He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends. (Prov. 17:9)
3. The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression. (Prov. 19:11)
4. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)
E. Practice the discipline of letting your spouse win the argument, especially when you are convinced that you are
right.
F. Practice silence in the face of opposition. Pray and bless those who persecute you (Mt. 5:44-45).
G. Let kind and gracious words frequently be on your lips.